"We then decide to catch Bill and Ted’s Excellent Halloween Adventure next. I join the HHNVaulters (I lurk that site occasionally) as they gleefully skip into the Fear Factor stage. We get a few rows up, and wait for the show to start. We talk about our journey through Saw, with [acquaintance] ranting about the guy in the bathroom that got her. The show then starts with ‘Dick’ talking about the show, and mentions that, “If you’re here to see Jon and Kate or Octomom, GET OUT.” He also tells us that we should say “Shia LaBeouf” instead of ‘ass’, and “Economy” instead of ‘shit’. The dancers then started to dance to Muse’s Supermassive Black Hole, also known as ‘that song from Twilight’, according to [acquaintance]. She must’ve been psychic or something, because right after, we meet ‘Fanboy’ and his ‘sidekick’, ‘Twilight Obsessed Girl’. More stuff happens, such as Billy Mays coming back from the dead and such, and then we decided we needed to go hit more houses. We then walk out."
Ahh, the HHNVault… good times. I wasn’t a registered member of the site (you had to be at least sixteen to join, and I was thirteen at the time), but that didn’t stop me from lurking. I remember a thread about the Icons’ professions outside of HHN. Someone suggested that The Caretaker played Riff-Raff in a RHPS shadowcast.
My acquaintance actually got offended by the scene with Billy Mays coming back from the dead. She was a Southern Baptist, so she probably saw resurrection being played as a joke as sacrilege. We respected her opinion and left Bill and Ted’s before it ended.
"We then go to our next house, Silver Screams, but first we need to pay a visit to the Cirque du Freak (aka DARREN SHAN, THE AUTHOR OF WIN). I saw the sideshow acts such as Madame Truska, Big Nose, Mr. Crepsley, and Evra, and the Vampaneze scared us! I was filming one and he hissed at me! I even created a tagline for this zone: “The Vampaneze never fail!”"
I actually got into the Cirque du Freak books shortly before HHN started. I think I might’ve been reading one of them (The Vampire’s Assistant maybe?) around the time I went. As for the Cirque du Freak movie itself… I personally didn’t enjoy it. It had a weak script and half of the actors phoned in their performances. Michael Cerveris as Mr. Tiny stole the show.
"We then get in line for Silver Screams. In front of us is a lady and her son, who read in the newspaper that “This is the scariest house this year.” We’ll see about that. About 15 minutes later, we walk into the Parade Warehouse, which has been transformed into the Universal Palace Theater and assorted scenes from assorted movies. At first, we are in the dark, and then, the lights strike up on the marquee, saying that the Universal Palace will present “The Phantom of the Opera”. I look inside the ticket booth just to see if the Usher isn’t hiding there. We see the man himself (I’m talking about Julian), then we walk into the Phantom of the Opera scene, where the Phantom loudly plays his organ. Even though the blasts of air and volume increase made us jump, the cool air was a great refresher from the humid weather outside. I give the Phantom a thumbs up, but he continued to play."
"We then walked into the next scene, for ‘My Bloody Valentine’. A victim is calling for help, but Harry Warden comes out with his pickax and that loud whistling noise, making us jump again. We were stuck in this scene for two minutes. We walked into the room for ‘The Thing’ next. Don’t remember what happened in here. Next up was ‘Medieval Dead’, where Ash startled all of us with his chainsaw! I wasn’t aware that there was going to be a chainsaw in this house, so I had a good genuine moment for Ash."
"We then walked into a room where a snippet from Lon Chaney Sr.’s greatest hit played on the screen, and dead bodies were hung, with one wiggling. It was Julian! Anyways, we walk through the ‘Shaun of the Dead’ room next. I think someone scared me in here. The final room was for ‘The Strangers’, but Man in the Mask scared the people in front of us. After a final encounter with Julian, we were out. Silver Screams gets a 5/5."
The Phantom’s scene was great. Fourteen years later, he returned to B79 for Universal Monsters: Unmasked. As George Lucas once said, “It’s like poetry.” I don’t remember The Thing room at all. We need another Thing house. It’s been too long. I didn’t know a single thing about the Evil Dead movies back then, so that’s why Ash startled me so much. Chainsaws freaked me out, and I dreaded going through Lights, Camera, Hacktion later in the night. I don’t remember the Shaun of the Dead room too well, but I do remember Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” playing in it. The Strangers room was so damn creepy. Very dimly lit, sparse sound effects/music, and Pinup Girl and Dollface stood around eerily staring you down. Very effective scene. I’d rank Silver Screams a 3.5/5 these days. I wish we could’ve gotten a house that focused more on the Universal Palace’s mysteries instead of All Nite Die-In: Take 3.
"Our next destination was Chucky: Friends til the End, but first, we had a snack and bathroom break (the snack was a soft pretzel, btw). While I was in the bathroom, I found a whole lot of loose change! Haha. After that, we walked into the queue for Chucky, where light projections of ABC blocks faded in the pavement."
"We weren’t expecting the 2+ hour line. Seriously, the queue wrapped through Silver Screams and all the way in the back of the park, then back again. I was getting exhausted in line, and constantly needed water. I did want to do those ‘text games’, but I didn’t know how. About 2 hours later, something cheered me up: seeing a Silver Screams cast change. Everyone screamed, “HI!” to the ushers. As soon as that, we were in Chucky’s realm."
"This house was one of the things that made me a Chucky fan. Seriously, I admit it! The spinning tunnel got us good as Chucky chanted, “A DE DUE DAMBALLA!” and laughed in his normal, crazy way. We then walked inside the “Etch a Sketch” room, where Chucky would open the screens and try to stab you with his knife. Then, we saw Good Guy boxes (a la Child’s Play 2) and Chucky hid in the middle of them, and popped out. Chucky got me good here, so I screamed, “HI CHUCKY!” We then walked through the Barrel of Monkeys room. No scareactors there. We then met up with stuffed animal monsters and mutated Barbie dolls. As soon as we got inside the ballsack room and the clown room, I started to panic and closed my eyes for the rest of the house, not seeing the Soldiers scene. When I came out of the house, Mom asked me, “So, you’re scared of Chucky now?” I replied ‘no’, but one thing is for sure…this house was good and scary. 4/5."
The text games I refer were these Choose Your Own Adventure games that HHN offered for each house from 2008-2010. Information on them is very, very sparse... but I do have some nuggets I found over on my HHN Lost Media Guide page. As for the Chucky house itself, wow, what a great review (/s). Nowadays, I’d rank Chucky (that is, 2009’s house) at about a 3/5. Demented versions of toys and dolls freak me out, and this house hit the spot. I do respect the meta angle that 2023’s Chucky: Ultimate Kill Count house took, but overall I prefer Chucky: Friends ’til the End more.
"We decided on doing The Wolfman house next, which demanded another walk-through of Cirque du Freak. Mom said a Vampaneze wearing a high heeled boot stepped on her foot, but I never saw it happen. I saw one of the Little People hiding in a corner."
"We then walked through Horrorwood Die In. We received absolutely no scares here, except I got stared down by Regan from The Exorcist and Ms. Ganush from Drag Me to Hell. In order to get to the soundstage haunted houses, we had to venture through Lights, Camera, Hacktion, or… THE CHAINSAW SCAREZONE."
Horrorwood Die-In was very understaffed that night. I was really excited to see Norman Bates, but I didn’t end up seeing him. Also, my writing style changes from this point onward. I didn't get around to finishing my trip report until a couple years later, when I figured out how to write more coherently.
"But [Lights, Camera, Hacktion] wasn’t that bad. I liked the zone’s theming, which was supposed to be a movie backlot gone awry by chainsaw maniacs. The said maniacs got us a few times, revving up their chainsaws. Some of the movie workers got us good, too. Some guy was trying to tell me something, noticing my camera, but I couldn’t hear him as three chainsaw maniacs ran after us, sending me all the way to where Lucy: A Tribute was."
"We walked through Containment again, and got in line for The Wolfman, with a posted 45 minute wait, which seemed more like 25. Honestly, I don’t remember A THING about this house. I do recall that an actor portraying Hugo Weaving’s character got [acquaintance] really good, saying something along the lines of, “The Wolfman is going to catch you!”"
"I also remember a scene where the Wolfman, wearing a harness, was right above our heads, prowling around. “[Katy]…” [Acquaintance] warned me. “Whatever you do, don’t look up!” The Wolfman roared in my face, but then, he disappeared. As we ran out of the soundstage, my flip flop managed to get off my foot, my toe getting into a sticky mess of… something. Wolfman rating: 2/5. Good scares and sets. Can’t remember anything else."
Like Saw, I really don’t remember The Wolfman house too well. I’ve since seen the movie, which helped jog my memory a little. I’m pretty sure the house focused heavily on the Romani camp attack and the asylum. Also, it wasn’t Hugo Weaving’s character that scared my acquaintance… it was actually Lawrence’s father Sir John, as played by Anthony Hopkins in the movie. I think the scareactor quoted a line from the movie. This is back when scareactors actually spoke in houses rather than lip-syncing to prerecorded lines. The house ended with a bungee scare that got me pretty good! And yeah, I briefly lost my shoe in the house, and stepped on a piece of scenic slathered in Vaseline. That wasn’t fun. Nowadays, I’d rank The Wolfman higher… let’s do 3/5. The scares were solid.
"We were going to do Dracula next, but…. we left. I felt horrible. I wanted to do the rest of the houses, and so did [acquaintance], but I was starting to feel sick."
"As we were leaving the park, Julian was standing around by himself. I wanted to get pictures with him when we got to the park, but [acquaintance] wanted to hurry and get to Saw. Mom asked Julian if it was okay if I got a picture with him, and he nodded. He started to pose around me, shining the light of his flashlight on me, and asked Mom if she was into still photography for some reason. At one point, Julian’s face was two inches away from mine, and he came very close to touching my face."
"After that, we left, having partially survived Halloween Horror Nights 19."
We left early because of my anxiety. I mean, I still get anxiety at HHN sometimes, but I know how to manage it. To this day, I regret not doing Dracula, Frankenstein, or Leave it to Cleaver. The Spawning, eh. The scenes in 2021’s SCarey house filled me in enough. And yes, Julian did ask my Mom, “Are you into still photography, ma’am?” Or maybe he asked me. I don’t remember. I think it’s because he noticed her struggling with my camera, so I had to step in and show her how to use it. I used Polaroid’s ripoff of the Flip camcorder back then.